The balance of ambition

It's been many a year since I had much interest in the idea of becoming a ‘famous rock star’.

It just doesn’t look like it would be worth the squeeze.

That said, being an active musician and songwriter, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t like the idea of finding / cultivating a community of people who enjoy my music and look forward to me creating and performing more of it.  And it strikes me as unlikely that such a community - if it does or is ever going to exist - will simply fall out into my lap one day.

It stands to reason that some degree of effort is going to be required on my part.

But how much? 

How much effort is going to be required?  

How much effort is enough effort?  

And how much is too much?

How much ambition is a healthy and constructive amount of ambition?

Buddha said that destructive desires are the root of suffering.  Seems fair.

But having no goals and doing nothing / not much also tends to lead to suffering - perhaps in the form of regret or……starvation.

So how am I supposed to know to which of and to what extent my ambitions are destructive?

So many questions…

Like most people (I imagine), I go through phases of intense activity and phases of limited activity.  Periods of motivation and periods of indifference. There are times when I feel inspired and excited and confident that I am making forward progress……and there are times when I stare blankly into the great Void of Indifference - the same void into which I often feel I am pouring my songs. 

Walking away from the fight would be a lot easier.

But then I would have to live with myself and the knowledge that I had……simply given up.

And not just given up……but given up on something that I love.

When I’m not playing music or otherwise engaged in Life’s pressing necessities, one of my preferred pastimes is hunting.  Mostly red and fallow deer, but I don’t pass up a wild pig if it strays my way..

Hunting has taught me many lessons over the years.  Chief amongst those lessons has been this: that the difference between a successful hunter and an unsuccessful hunter……is often a single ridge or gully.  

The successful hunter was prepared to push himself just that little bit further.

Just a little further.

Just a little longer.

There have been so many times that I have decided to pack it in……but then have made the decision to suck it up and try one more spot.  One more ridge.  One more gully.

Just one more.

And that has made all the difference.

Of course……there’s lots of people who dislike hunting.  

And hunters.

And maybe that’s the truth of the matter: that in the end, it doesn’t really matter whether you do the right thing or the wrong thing: you’re gonna piss someone off.  

And that someone might be yourself. 

Maybe we’re just damned if we do……and damned if we don’t.

And if that is in fact the case……then we may as well do the thing - or the combination of things - that lets us sleep at night.