Disappointment and the damage done

Jeremy Callander
Jul 15
4 min read

Over the past couple of months I’ve been thinking a lot about disappointment - especially as it pertains to music and being a musician.

To be clear, this is not because I am disappointed in some general or specific sense. I’ve simply been thinking about it.

A musician friend of mine recently conveyed the following sentiment to me:

“People will readily shell out $500 and spend the night in a cold, wet stadium with crappy sound, just so that they can see some washed-up has-been or some big name artist whose albums they’ve never owned (and couldn’t name if their life depended on it)……but they won’t pay $10 - or even nothing - to go and listen to a local band play great original music in a warm, cozy bar.”

I’ve read and heard lots of musicians express similar frustrations - and I share them.

For musicians, disappointment can and regularly does come in many forms - not least of which is the fact that the rest of Earth's human population rarely ever seems to be quite as excited about us and our music as we would like.

We’ve all played gigs to an audience of one. It is frustrating. It is annoying.

Especially if you take your craft seriously and you’ve worked hard to get better at it and part of the reason that you’re out there playing at all, is because you genuinely wish to give something back to your community.

But it is what it is. Folk do what they do, and neither I nor any other musician is ever going to be able to change that.

We don’t get to tell other people what to like or how to like it. Nor should we.

Beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder.

It just is what it is. And because it just is what it is, I make a point of trying very hard to not allow the associated disappointment to take root. I don’t want my disappointment to develop into resentment - much less to have it metastasize into full-blown bitterness.

But like most worthy pursuits......this is easier said than done.

When you really care about something - especially if that something is the creative manifestation of the outpouring of your soul - then it’s pretty natural for you to want other people to care about it as well.

To value that creative manifestation as much as you do.

And then, to give you money for it.

Unfortunately, musicians don’t get to decide whether and how much other people value (their) music.

And believe me, there’s a part of me that wishes we did.

But that simply isn’t how anything works. Nor should it be.

No one should get to decide what other people like and/or how much they like it.

That should only ever be something that we each get to decide for ourselves.

So……what then? What are everyday, non-millionaire musicians to do?

Historically, live music has been something that helped to bring people together - something that was shared in public spaces, private spaces and everywhere in between. Along with alcohol, it has played the role of social lubricant.

But in recent years, many of the folk who previously might have gone out to see (local) live music, now choose to stay at home. Alcohol is expensive. Eating out is expensive.

And why risk going outside when limitless ‘entertainment’ is only a smart phone away?

We can’t force people to like our music.

We can’t force people to come to our gigs.

We can’t force people to decide that our upcoming gig is more important than whatever it is that they have going on at the moment.

We can’t force them to give us all (or any) of the money that we would like.

So what’s the solution?

Is there a solution?

If there is, I think it is this: we must tell ourselves what we know to be true.

Every. Single. Day.

Here is what I know to be true:

I love - and will probably always love - playing the guitar and writing songs.
I do - and will probably always do - most of my guitar playing and all of my song writing without an audience.
It follows then, that having an audience is not a prerequisite for me finding enjoyment and satisfaction in my craft.
But even on those occasions when I do have an audience, I cannot control whether or not they like the music that I make and perform.
And since I will never have control of other people’s behaviour……having any sort of expectation with regards to their behaviour is really just me voluntarily choosing to have premeditated resentments.